I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Is it because I queefed?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
