im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
