How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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