Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
