fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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