You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
