..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
