Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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