are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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