what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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