I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
