so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
