Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
