Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I woke up under a house in Key West
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize