obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
vagina is talking i cant
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
