I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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