I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
