shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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