i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
