Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
