i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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