So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
