On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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