girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My vagina just recognized that song.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
