THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
