Kareoke will never be a sober sport
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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