@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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