The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
