Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
