your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
