Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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