dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
