you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
