if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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