CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
