i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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