he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
