You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
