So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
is wine microwaveable?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
