OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
