I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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