I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
