You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
