Say something about gay babies.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
