Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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