I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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