i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
