I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
