I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
