well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
