how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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