shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
