so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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