everyone is single if you try hard enough
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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