DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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