i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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