so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize