Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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