what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
