I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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