Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
