Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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