my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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