Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
