fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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