My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize