you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
