I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think I sprained my soul last night
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize