p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
