I haven't been this sober since birth.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I deserve to be covered in dicks
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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